9 months ago
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Why bother wearing make-up? The Haiti group shared their experiences tonight at church and it was such a blessing to me. Mascara mess...but such a gift! Seeing the video they put together and listening to them share who God is and what they have learned so far from their experiences was really wonderful. On top of that, I was profoundly struck with gratitude during our singing/worship time. Ross shared the gospel of Christ and the reality of the cross and I was truly awestruck at the Father's intense love for me/us that He would allow...ordain...purpose for His son to die such a horrible death for someone like me who is totally not even close to being grateful enough for such a King. But I want to be. So, more than likely I will wear make-up to church again, but then again, maybe not.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Throughout this pregnancy I often think of Mia. I am 28 weeks pregnant and we lost Mia at 24 weeks. God has been so kind to free me from fear this pregnancy. And this part of the pregnancy with Kiva is so fresh, delightful and fun. I am SO grateful. But, fear isn't the issue...the issue that has come up more and more is that I miss Mia.
I have a ring that I wear. When we were planning Mia's funeral, I really wanted to put something in her casket with her that I could also keep with me. As Brian and I were thinking, we were reminded of a ring. James Avery sells it and it is an intro to Ruth 1:16-17. This is where Ruth tells Naomi "Your people will be my people, Your God, My God." It goes on to say "Where you will be buried, I will be buried." So, that ring is in Mia's casket with her body and I also wear the same ring on my hand. Brian and I were able to buy our cemetery plots shortly after and we will be buried yards away from Mia. I lovingly refer to this ring as my Mia ring.
That was background. I had an encounter with Jada this week that brought me to tears. A couple of days ago, Jada and I were just lying in bed hanging out talking one afternoon. Jada asked if she could play with/wear my Mia ring. I said sure. So, as she was wearing it on her foot, she sat up and pretended to make a phone call on my phone. I asked her "who are you calling?" She then began to tell me that she was going to call Grandpa-Dad (my grandfather who passed away) and she was going to see if Grandpa-Dad could bring Mia back from heaven.
My heart sank. Then she began a pretend conversation with Grandpa-Dad, "Hello, can you hear me? Um, can you bring Mia back?" then she looked at me with bright eyes and exclaimed "He said YES!"
The floodgates were opened as I was reminded again of the finality of death as I told Jada through huge tears, "Mia can't come back. She is with Jesus in heaven and we will get to see her one day when we go to heaven too." To which, Jada just simply said, "Oh." We then proceeded to talk about what heaven was like and how wonderful it is there. But I couldn't stop crying. I mean I really wept. I realized then that I was so happy to be crying. Strange. Jada asked why I was crying and I simply told her that I miss Mia and I wish she were sitting on the bed with us playing. I explained how it is ok to be sad, that Jesus always wipes our tears and thinks they are really important.
I don't have a nice conclusion to this blog...just simply that it was good to cry. I think about Mia daily, but I am grateful for the moments when something from Heaven touches my heart and cries out.
And, mixed with this... I am really glad Jada has a sister coming to join us here on earth soon! What tension there is in this life: One of the sweetest moments of joy with Jada and one of the deepest moments of sorrow without Mia. Heaven WILL be wonderful! But, what a wonderful life it is here to experience Jesus' nearness through a toddlers eyes, creation, and so much more. Thank you, Lord. "Teach us, Lord, to number our days, that we might gain a heart of wisdom!"
Saturday, August 15, 2009
I want to really take in each moment. I have been really happy lately just watching Jada...she is really fun. The other day we were at a store and she was singing "you are my sunshine" loudly while she puttered around the checkout. The lady behind the cash register was just smiling the whole time and at the end asked if she could take her home with her. I was simply reminded in that moment how I am the blessed one that gets to take her home with me :) She is really a treasure to watch.
So, I am wanting to freeze her at this age yet watch her grow. Ever felt like that? I am really glad to be a mom. I don't want to be in the middle of my day and realize that I haven't taken her in...just her little words and actions.
We have a quote that is on the wall in our bathroom that says "The greatest honor we can give God is to live gladly because of the knowledge of His love."- Lady Julian of Norwich.
So, the prayer that I have been praying is "Jesus, help Brian and me to be great examples f thankful and glad living because of the way that you have loved us. Let this thankfulness and gladness be contagious to our children."
Thursday, August 13, 2009
I think this may be the most random blog post of mine...but have you tried plumbcots??? It is a mix between an apricot and plumb. YUM! I would take a picture of the little red dandy, but I ate the last one and I am definitely going back to HEB for more!
We had a great time on our vacation and I thought I would add some fun photos from Uncle Jason's camera :) Here we are on our way to the beach...
lunch at Amberjacks
Brian, Jason and Mike played golf one day
There seem to be pictures of birds on Brian lately?