remembering...

Throughout this pregnancy I often think of Mia.  I am 28 weeks pregnant and we lost Mia at 24 weeks.  God has been so kind to free me from fear this pregnancy.  And this part of the pregnancy with Kiva is so fresh, delightful and fun.  I am SO grateful.  But, fear isn't the issue...the issue that has come up more and more is that I miss Mia.  

I have a ring that I wear.  When we were planning Mia's funeral, I really wanted to put something in her casket with her that I could also keep with me.  As Brian and I were thinking, we were reminded of a ring.  James Avery sells it and it is an intro to Ruth 1:16-17.  This is where Ruth tells Naomi "Your people will be my people, Your God, My God." It goes on to say "Where you will be buried, I will be buried."  So, that ring is in Mia's casket with her body and I also wear the same ring on my hand.  Brian and I were able to buy our cemetery plots shortly after and we will be buried yards away from Mia.  I lovingly refer to this ring as my Mia ring.  

That was background. I had an encounter with Jada this week that brought me to tears.  A couple of days ago, Jada and I were just lying in bed hanging out talking one afternoon.  Jada asked if she could play with/wear my Mia ring.  I said sure. So, as she was wearing it on her foot, she sat up and pretended to make a phone call on my phone.  I asked her "who are you calling?" She then began to tell me that she was going to call Grandpa-Dad (my grandfather who passed away) and she was going to see if Grandpa-Dad could bring Mia back from heaven.  

My heart sank.  Then she began a pretend conversation with Grandpa-Dad, "Hello, can you hear me?  Um, can you bring Mia back?" then she looked at me with bright eyes and exclaimed "He said YES!"  

The floodgates were opened as I was reminded again of the finality of death as I told Jada through huge tears, "Mia can't come back. She is with Jesus in heaven and we will get to see her one day when we go to heaven too." To which, Jada just simply said, "Oh." We then proceeded to talk about what heaven was like and how wonderful it is there.  But I couldn't stop crying.  I mean I really wept.  I realized then that I was so happy to be crying.  Strange.  Jada asked why I was crying and I simply told her that I miss Mia and I wish she were sitting on the bed with us playing.  I explained how it is ok to be sad, that Jesus always wipes our tears and thinks they are really important.  

I don't have a nice conclusion to this blog...just simply that it was good to cry.  I think about Mia daily, but I am grateful for the moments when something from Heaven touches my heart and cries out.

And, mixed with this... I am really glad Jada has a sister coming to join us here on earth soon!  What tension there is in this life: One of the sweetest moments of joy with Jada and one of the deepest moments of sorrow without Mia.  Heaven WILL be wonderful!  But, what a wonderful life it is here to experience Jesus' nearness through a toddlers eyes, creation, and so much more.  Thank you, Lord.  "Teach us, Lord, to number our days, that we might gain a heart of wisdom!"