Wednesday, December 31, 2008

O Suffering How Beautiful You Are...

Today I was able to spend some quality time out at Mia's grave. I was weeping pretty hard just remembering that Mia is 2008 for me...I was able to be Mia's mommy on this earth in 2008. I really wanted time to stand still and I really wanted to fast forward to eternity all at once...I don't like to suffer and I really don't know anyone who loves it! Even Jesus asked for His great cup of suffering to pass...

So on my way out of the cemetery I was drawn to read some other headstones. One in particular drew my eyes and it was a husband and wife with a beautiful scripture about God's glory overflowing out of heaven into earth. I was struck with deep connection with this couple that was now with Christ...I wanted so desperately to pick their brains about how they lived the long lives that they did and what kind of suffering they experienced and what marks their sufferings made on their lives for God's glory...and then a deep truth struck me in a much deeper way...

Suffering ALWAYS produces beauty when surrender to The Father is active. I don't want to pick every old-person's brain about their suffering...I don't want to know self-help strategies or pick yourself up from your own bootstraps kind of thought...and I certainly want to fight against the lies of any older person that just says that life is hard and then you die... I want to pick the brains of the old woman who was widowed and is a fiery prayer warrior as she experiences God's love towards her deeper today than yesterday.....I want to pick the brain of the retired pastor who still pastors people without his "pastor title" and though he has lost many loved ones, believes that God is alive and is able to do great miracles....that kind of stuff!

Tonight...on the eve of a new year I want to embrace these past moments/months of suffering with great expectation of the beauty and life that will come. Brian and I talked about how we expect 2009 to be a year marked with life. Please pray that along for us.

Tonight we were able to worship along with one of our favorite worship leaders "Jason Upton" through a televised was beautiful and almost a perfect summary of the tornado of hope and heartache that has been going on in my heart over the last week or so. Enjoy...

Jason's commentary" we've come to the mountain of the living God. The Hebrew writer doesn't indicate at all that it is going to happen one day...the Promise is here, its now, there is no better day coming than right now unless there's a better Son that's going to resurrect, the Son has resurrected, the morning is upon us. It's no brighter EVER than it is right now, so its us that has to awaken to that reality. that the kingdom is here and it's in you and me. amen."

Old man take my hand now, let us walk together
for years we have labored in vineyards apart,
the distance between us account for the problems
Oh suffering how beautiful you are.

we have come to the mountain of the living God
take a good look around us
what we see is what we've got
there's no better day a comin
no brighter morning sun
we have come to the mountain of the living God.

Old man please forgive me
for what I've been missing
this life that I was given
is better than I
could ever have wanted or even imagined
forgive me for wastin' so much time

We have come to the mountain of the Living God
take a good look around us
what we see is what we've got
There's no better day a'comin
no brighter morning sun
We have come to the mountain of the Living God.

He's a Living God....


  1. You encourage me! So thankfully I have the awesome priviledge of calling you my friend (my special friend). :)

  2. amen. love u. will be praying for "life" in '09.

  3. Hi Stephanie! I turned on the computer this morning and found your blog. Brian must have stumbled upon it as he was blog-browing last night. I am so sorry for your loss of Mia, Stephanie. My heart is so heavy as I read of your pain.

    You may already know this but John Piper’s son and daughter in law lost their baby girl in Sept 2007—she was full term. Molly has a highly-read blog that she used to describe her grief and did an extensive series on comforting a friend who is suffering the loss of a child. I learned so much from reading it. Most of the series was written in 2008 but she also has a “catergories” sidebar which includes grief and Felicity (the daughter they loss). Molly is a good friend of ours from Minnesota. I thought I’d pass that on to you. The website is

    I will be praying for you and Brian as you walk into this year with grief and hope. I am so thankful for your HOPE in JESUS!