Wednesday, December 31, 2008

O Suffering How Beautiful You Are...

Today I was able to spend some quality time out at Mia's grave. I was weeping pretty hard just remembering that Mia is 2008 for me...I was able to be Mia's mommy on this earth in 2008. I really wanted time to stand still and I really wanted to fast forward to eternity all at once...I don't like to suffer and I really don't know anyone who loves it! Even Jesus asked for His great cup of suffering to pass...

So on my way out of the cemetery I was drawn to read some other headstones. One in particular drew my eyes and it was a husband and wife with a beautiful scripture about God's glory overflowing out of heaven into earth. I was struck with deep connection with this couple that was now with Christ...I wanted so desperately to pick their brains about how they lived the long lives that they did and what kind of suffering they experienced and what marks their sufferings made on their lives for God's glory...and then a deep truth struck me in a much deeper way...

Suffering ALWAYS produces beauty when surrender to The Father is active. I don't want to pick every old-person's brain about their suffering...I don't want to know self-help strategies or pick yourself up from your own bootstraps kind of thought...and I certainly want to fight against the lies of any older person that just says that life is hard and then you die... I want to pick the brains of the old woman who was widowed and is a fiery prayer warrior as she experiences God's love towards her deeper today than yesterday.....I want to pick the brain of the retired pastor who still pastors people without his "pastor title" and though he has lost many loved ones, believes that God is alive and is able to do great miracles....that kind of stuff!

Tonight...on the eve of a new year I want to embrace these past moments/months of suffering with great expectation of the beauty and life that will come. Brian and I talked about how we expect 2009 to be a year marked with life. Please pray that along for us.

Tonight we were able to worship along with one of our favorite worship leaders "Jason Upton" through a televised was beautiful and almost a perfect summary of the tornado of hope and heartache that has been going on in my heart over the last week or so. Enjoy...

Jason's commentary" we've come to the mountain of the living God. The Hebrew writer doesn't indicate at all that it is going to happen one day...the Promise is here, its now, there is no better day coming than right now unless there's a better Son that's going to resurrect, the Son has resurrected, the morning is upon us. It's no brighter EVER than it is right now, so its us that has to awaken to that reality. that the kingdom is here and it's in you and me. amen."

Old man take my hand now, let us walk together
for years we have labored in vineyards apart,
the distance between us account for the problems
Oh suffering how beautiful you are.

we have come to the mountain of the living God
take a good look around us
what we see is what we've got
there's no better day a comin
no brighter morning sun
we have come to the mountain of the living God.

Old man please forgive me
for what I've been missing
this life that I was given
is better than I
could ever have wanted or even imagined
forgive me for wastin' so much time

We have come to the mountain of the Living God
take a good look around us
what we see is what we've got
There's no better day a'comin
no brighter morning sun
We have come to the mountain of the Living God.

He's a Living God....

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Keep them coming...and Christmas fun :)

Thank you so much for all of your comments on hope both on the blog and by phone. Please keep them coming as I am hopeful to learn more :) I am so glad for friends that have deep wells of knowledge and understanding in so many ways...thanks for adding to me!

So, Christmas was here and we had a great time with family. Jada was TOTALLY spoiled...or should I say well-loved? I have added some photos from our time here in Bryan and our time in New Braunfels. Also, we celebrated my brother, Jason's, birthday on Sunday night. My sister-in-law Shannon threw him a surprise party and he was definitely surprised (great job shan!) I have added some photos of that too.

Jada got a tricycle and loved to ride it around...she hasn't mastered the pedals yet :)

Jada loved her helmet so much that she didn't want to take them off!
Uncle Jason and Aunt Shannon gave Jada a big alligator that she lovingly has named "Greena"...this is officially the first animal that Jada has named totally on her own.
After we sang "Jingle Bells" we would say "Hey!" and throw our hands up in the air...Jada had lots of fun doing that!
Jada's friends Piper and Zoe came over on Christmas eve and they all decided to have a crib party...aren't they funny?
Aunt Dawn gave Jada and Madyson umbrellas with their names on them...they carried them around and played with them a ton! They even watched cartoons with their umbrellas :)

Jason and Shannon at Jason's Party

When we yelled surprise it was a bit scary for Jada :)...I thought this was kinda funny.

And...Jada bug has caught a bug and has been coughing, sneezing and now is on an antibiotic for an upper respiratory please pray for her speedy healing!

Friday, December 19, 2008

Your thoughts?

I would love to hear what you guys think of when you think of "HOPE"? I have been asked to share/speak at a night of worship in New Braunfels on January 23rd and I think I will be sharing on please give me your thoughts!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

my thoughts on hope...

I have been intrigued with Hope. The meaning of the word, the why, the when, the how, the actions involved in hoping. I have been extra sad these past two weeks. Some of the deep places in my heart are missing Mia. These are the moments when I wish somehow I could hold her again or the moments that I want to hope for her again...and then the reality of remembering that I will not get the privilege of that until this life is through. YET...there is this strange hope that is in my heart about who God is and what He will do with the rest of my days.

Hope is brave.

Brave has never been a word that has meant much to my heart. Really. I've always been the girl that is drawn to other words like sweet, kind, exciting, etc...brave was for other people who were more like fighters or warriors or people that are gifted with not being afraid of confrontation...that just hasn't been me....

But I can't stop thinking about those words "Hope is brave"...and I like it and I feel it. I am full of hope. Not in some strange pick myself up from my own bootstraps kind of way, but in an excited to trust Jesus more than my own thoughts or any wisdom that is from this world. I am full of Hope for our family and I am glad that Jesus has always known better than me about what is best.

I was reading a prayer that Piper wrote in a little book called "Life as a Vapor". It is good stuff :) and I thought I would share this prayer with all of you...I pray that we would all pray and walk in the fullness of this kind of life...

"Gracious Father, grant me a lowly spirit of gratitude. Make me feel the preciousness of past grace. Give me an honest memory of mercy. Forgive me for the pride of unremembered gifts and callous thanklessness. Waken faith in my wavering soul and give me strong confidence in your solid promises. Where past and future meet make me humble and bold. In Jesus' name and for His sake, Amen."

Friday, December 12, 2008

Let it snow!

On Wednesday we had snow!!!!

And then it was almost 60 the next day...but we enjoyed it while it lasted!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Jada's dream come true!

Jada met Elmo! We went to the children's museum this weekend and we had "brunch with Elmo and Santa :)" Jada was truly absolutely delighted! It was hilarious to watch her totally giddy throughout the experience! Here are some photos of our time...