It is the countdown...the time when I haven't planned anything at all because Judson could come anytime...but don't want to spend all day every day bored watching the clock tick waiting to meet the little man. So...we play and rest and do the things that are normal. Meanwhile, in the background of all my thoughts are prayers for Judson's little body, hopes that the labor will be short and sweet :), and more prayers for the girls to adjust well. All the while enjoying the stillness of being home with the girls.
Season...I use this word every day. Like in the context of times in our lives and the process the Lord has each one of us on. So, the season of the Lee family being a girl family is about to come to an end and I want to enjoy that. The season of us being a family of 4 is about to come to an end. I think about the term "when the fullness of time had come..." at the beginning of the gospels. The time was full, the season was complete, when God set into motion the birth of Christ. I like that thought. And when I think about this season of our lives changing...I want it to be FULL...complete...nothing left without being felt, experienced, enjoyed, treasured, and understood in the most full way. And as we begin a new season of our family of 5 and adding a dude to the mix, I am excited to tears about the new things we will all learn and experience together.
Judson. My heart is absolutely overjoyed at the thought of raising a son. It is quite a different feeling for me than I had with the girls. As I pray for him and think about him, I can't help but imagine him as a strong man in the kingdom of God. I imagine him strong in stature and faith but a humble man like his daddy. I love that his name means "one who praises God and Christ-bearer"...but as I continued to look into Judson's name meaning it also means "to descend or flow down." This is crazy to me...here's why...
Have you ever read "Hinds feet on High Places."? It is an allegory and it is extravagant with deep meaning of the Shepherd heart of God. The poetry and literary illustrations are precious. I read it while I was still a student at A&M and we have been reading the children's version to Jada. I picked it up and read it again a few weeks ago. One of the things that stood out to me was the "water song." Literally, the happy song the water sings as it descends from the tops of the mountains. This is how it goes...
Come, oh come, let us away—lower, lower every day
Oh, what joy it is to race, to find the lowest place
This the dearest law we know—“It is happy to go low.”
Sweetest urge and sweetest will, “Let’s go down lower still.”
Hear the summons night and day, calling us to come away.
From the heights we leap and flow, to the valleys down below.
Always answering to the call, to the lowest place of all.
Sweetest urge and sweetest pain, to go low and rise again.
This song is repeated throughout the story and it kept digging deeper into my heart. It was as if the Lord was speaking so clearly to me about the happiest place being the place of a servant. I was reminded of Christ and the way He demonstrated this. I thought of how happy I am when I really sit and think on how much I do not deserve and how much the Lord has given me. It is gratitude and it makes me want to happily bow low in my life and delight in not being important. I don't know if I am making much sense, but I feel like the water song is like a response to grace. A response to God's goodness towards me.
A story from my life: As I started following Jesus in the spring of 1998 I was a mess in many ways. As I started to know the Lord in new ways, I understood how the Lord had truly made me new, cleansing me and giving me a new life. As I thought about my future husband, I prayed and hoped for a man that really loved God with all that he was. I hoped for a man of purity, of holiness, that really walked in the favor of God. Though these things were my hopes and prayers, I always had it in the back of my mind that if the Lord didn't give me those things in husband, that I totally understood...you know, I realized fully that I didn't DESERVE that in any way...but I knew his grace and his forgiveness, so I hoped :). So when the day came when Brian proposed to me, I was thrilled with excitement of course. But it wasn't until a couple of days after the proposal when I was alone in my college house and I re-read Brian's words that he spoke to me when he asked me to be his wife...it was then that my heart was pierced with the realization that the Lord gave me far more than I could have ever asked or imagined! I literally remember leaning against my wall, starting to cry and then eventually sinking down into fetal position weeping with the thoughts of "too much, Lord, you are too much." Deep gratitude, almost painful recognition of my own unworthiness and a position of not being able to get low enough to say thank you to such a good God who loved me extravagantly. Which brings me back to the water song...
I believe the Lord has and is giving us Judson as a reminder of the "too much"-ness of the Lord. Who am I that I get to raise this little man who will become a grown man who, by God's grace, will lead men and women to praise and follow Christ?! So, again I say...I am happy to serve Judson as his mother, and flow down, like the water song, and I consider this gift "too much"...and I can't wait to kiss his little cheeks in a week!!!
...and if you are looking for a good book to read...pick up Hinds Feet on High Places...you will not be disappointed!
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