Monday, October 13, 2008

Our Mia

It has been one week and 3 days since we held our daughter Mia. She was precious...she was beautiful...her tiny hands and feet were amazing and she was perfect. She gave me hope in a glory to come like I have never known and I will never be the same. My heart aches and tears pour out as I wish so desperately that I could of had more time with her here. The many things that I imagined doing with her are brought to my mind moment to moment. I dreamt of Mia's personality being both different and similar to Jada's. What color hair would she have? Would she like to follow her big sister as she plays? I dreamt of pictures that I couldn't wait to take of her and books that I was hoping to read to her. I could wait to carry her in a sling close to my heart and I longed for sweet moments together in the night. I've never known grief or love or loss or hope like I have over these past 10 days.

Already Mia's life and death has taught me and Brian so much about who Jesus is and how He really does love us immensly. When I would talk about Mia and how we were naming her Mia Carolyn (who is like the Lord, the free one), I would consistantly say "I can't wait for her to teach us how to be free." And she has already begun. At Mia's funeral Brian was able to share from his heart the beautiful ways that the Lord has already changed him through Mia. Our family will forever be changed!

It has been the hardest time in Brian and I's life...but Jesus has been near to us each moment. Some of you have written e-mails or texts or left messages and we cannot thank you enough. We have felt carried by your prayers and lifted by your love. We have been overwhelmed by the body of Christ across the nation through letters, phone calls and e-mails...thank you for taking time to love us and carry us nearer to the Lord even though we cannot physically hold hands and walk together through this time. Our local body here has been amazing in ways that we never have known. We have known the great Shephard more because of the ways we have been loved and protected. We are thankful to have your hands to hold over the coming months.

We truly ask you to please keep your prayers coming as we learn how to live and to grieve...that is the biggest way you can help us through this season. We love you and we are thankful for your love.

I wanted to leave you with a few scriptures and quotes that have come alive to us as we have mourned the loss of our precious Mia and as we look ahead with hope.

Psalm 36:8 "For with You is the fountain of life, in Your light we see light."

Psalm 16:11 " Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

1 Corinthians 15:54-56 "When the perishable has been clothed in the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true; "Death has been swallowed up in victory."

I Will Carry You- by Selah

There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?

People say that I am brave
but I'm not
Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this

So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen me
To carry you

Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says...

I've shown her photographs
of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?

I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen Me
To carry you

and an Elizabeth Elliot quote..."here is my chance to learn what death is about- to take up the cross, that is, willingly to accept the will of God which went so strongly against the grain of my own...for as we loose our hold on visible things, the invisible become more precious- where our treasure is, there will our hearts be."


  1. Oh, Steph...I had no idea...I have no words, I am so very, very, very sorry...

  2. Aunt Dawn and MadysonOctober 14, 2008 at 8:22 AM

    My heart mourns not being able to see my neice everyday. She will always be in our hearts. I love you both.

  3. Stephanie. Thank you for writing about your beautiful daughter. I'm so sorry for your loss. Andrew & I will pray for your family.

  4. This is so good that you wrote this. It is healing for everyone. Thanks for sharing. We think of you often and we are praying for all of you.

  5. I had no idea, either. My heart is hurting for you and Brian. Please hug him for me and know prayers are being sent up and out for your family from the Panhandle. Much, much love to you all!

  6. wow, what a beautiful tribute to a beautiful soul. Your family is being covered in our prayers. Please let us know how we can help you beyond that. We love you all dearly. May your hope and joy be found in HIM
    love James, Whitney and Seraphelle

  7. Brian, Steph, and Jada,

    We love you and are grieving with you. Thank you for teaching us about praising the Lord in all things.

  8. Stephanie,
    I found your blog awhile back through Kellye's and have been checking back now and again but have yet to comment. I just want to tell you how sorry I am. I can't even begin to understand how you are feeling, but I will pray for you and your family!
    God Bless,
    Jacquie (Rose) Graves

  9. love you sweet friend, continuing to pray, continuing to learn, continuing to grieve, continuing to rejoice. what a blessing to worship with you and for you in CS, sending along some special things as soon as I can, love love love

  10. Stephanie, I am so so sorry to read this and terribly saddened to hear that you lost your sweet baby girl to heaven so soon. Interesting that I read this today on the National Day of Remembrance for pregnancy and infant loss. Please keep us posted on how you're doing and know that you are covered in prayer.

  11. Sweet Stephanie I am so sorry. Thank you for sharing your beautiful thoughts and the beautiful scriptures that have been close to your heart.


  12. steph i wish i could hug you now. i'm so sorry for your loss. even now you and brian are teaching all of us what it means to follow Jesus regardless. love you.

  13. Steph- I love you so much and cherished every beautiful word you wrote. I have been yearning to hear a bit about where your heart is right now and I was so so blessed to hear how the Lord chose Mia's name to be who is like the Lord the free one and how He is using her to free you both. Praise him Jehovah whose ways are higher than ours, praise him yahweh who clothes us with the imperishable. Oh Steph I am so blessed by who the Lord manifests himself to be through you and through this fiery furnace. I love you! katherine

  14. Stephanie, I just hopped over here from Kari B.'s blog, as I do from time to time. I am so, so sad to hear about the loss of your sweet Mia. I'm so sorry! My heart is broken for you. I will be praying for your family.

  15. Stephanie, Brian and Jada
    I am so so so sorry I did not know about Mia. We will pray for you all. I love yall lots and you all are always in my heart.