What's in a name???

You still on your toes?

To begin, Brian and I are SO happy about our daughter. Our prayers for her (before we knew it was a she :) have sounded a lot like "Lord, protect this baby...Lord, let this baby have a real unique call on his/her life...Lord, give this baby many, many days on this earth before being with you forever..."

So...our daughter's name has some significant meaning to us and a story behind that. Here goes:

Her first name is Kiva, pronounced "key-va" a Hebrew name which means "Protected by God"...we believe this has been prayed for, declared and believed by many about her. We believe that this protection will be a mark on her life throughout her days, not just in the womb but as she walks this earth. Of course, we have no idea what she will be like or the gifts God has given her...but we hope and believe that she will KNOW in her deepest places that God is for her and has/will protect her. This may make her bold, adventurous, a visionary...the possibilities are endless!

Her middle name has a story:

One day, a month or so after we lost Mia, I was about to leave the cemetery after spending some time there. I felt prompted to drive up to the older section that I had not seen before. As I was driving, the Upton song where he says over and over, "I know Victory, Victory is Yours...." was blasting in our Durango. I stopped by the older baby section. These babies lived for a day or two or some even up to a year...I was struck by one that was born the same year that I was ...1978. I was immediately struck by how that mother had grieved so many years ago. I wept a little while thinking about so many that had hurt in the same ways that I was. As the Upton song continued to play I couldn't help but be reminded of how then and now the Lord wins. He is NOT surprised by anything and how He will be glorified through suffering and joy....

I drove a little further into the old-old-old section of the cemetery...I got out of the car and left the door open still hearing the music continuing to play like a battle cry "I know Victory, Victory is Yours..."

Lots of odd shaped headstones stood before me, but I was drawn to a taller one that looked super old. When I approached it, the name read "Victorie Zak"....what? This person's name was "Victorie?" Literally I began crying and laughing at the same time out of a state of YES! The Lord was victorious then in the 1800's, now and forever! Death was truly swallowed up in VICTORY...Christ won 2000 years ago when he took death's sting away when He rose from the dead to give us all life, He won in the 1800's when "Victorie Zak" walked the earth, He is alive and winning people to him each moment today. He is Victorious! In that moment, in the absolute most obscure setting, I danced. I weep typing this. There was great freedom in that place. He really is the same yesterday, today and forever. When I shared this with Brian, we both agreed that if we have another daughter, we would really like give her this middle name...

So...her middle name? "Victorie"...We pray that her life would be the symbol of God's victory and goodness...and the endless other things that the word 'victory' might mean. So there you have it: Kiva Victorie Lee

On a bit of another note: Wednesday night during our small group singing time I was just so thankful to the Lord for the good report that we received that day: healthy little girl. My eyes were drawn to Mia's footprints that we have on our wall. I realized in a fresh way that if Mia were born in January into our family...we would not have been pregnant in February with Kiva. Please hear me right, I would love nothing more than to have our Mia here today...but the plans, sovereignty, knowledge and understanding of the Lord struck me deeply. Again, I said to the Lord, "I trust You."

Also, I took in the reality that those footprints on my wall represent a little girl who is free with Jesus now with no regret, remorse or envy. I really don't know how heaven works in relation to time...but I believe that Mia sees what is going on in our family and is really delighted about it and probably understands God's ways way better than any of us here.

Kiva has a unique purpose for her life that is totally separate than Jada's or Mia's and we are grateful and full of hope for our new little one. Thank you for rejoicing with us!

God's Kindness...

The Lord was so kind today in so many ways...truly, today was God's kindess demonstrated after another. Our doctor was there and did the ultrasound which was SUCH a great gift of peace. And...oh, by the way, we are having a...................................................................................................................
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GIRL!!!

We truly couldn't be happier! Thank you for your prayers and love and we are so grateful for her. And yep, we have a name picked out that I will post later...we'll keep you on your toes :)

tomorrow!!!!!

Tomorrow we go in for our appointment to find out if we are having a little boy or girl Lee! 3:15 Wednesday afternoon. So, please, please pray that we get to find out b/c the office called today and the doc will not be there and we are seeing someone different. Crazy! But, we are hopeful! OK, love to you all and I will update asap :)

my ballerina mama...

Once again, I have to post about how fun Jada is and how much of a little girly-girl she is as well. Today we pulled out some recital costumes that I got for Jada when she was yet unborn :) and they fit. Oh my goodness...she was precious!!! She ran on her toes, spun around, did beautiful ballerina arms and then ran and jumped head first on the couch (and repeated this over and over).

After this, while still in her costume, she got her giraffe and wanted to go rock her giraffe to sleep. She is quite a little mama, you know.

Then after rocking her giraffe (aka:gigaffe) to sleep, she stood up, began twirling once again and tossed her giraffe into the wind while singing the butterfly song from the wiggles.

It was a fun day.

the little things...

Today was one of those hang out with Jada days that is just so nice and simple. I was thinking about how some of the little things are the sweetest...so here are a few little things that I love when Jada and I hang out:

• she loves to color,paint,marker or play play-doh and she always wants to give her creations away...for example: "This one's for MiMi"


• lately (as if you can't tell through photos) jada likes to say "cheese" and perform this crazy squinty smile. I love it. She laughs at herself everytime she does it...example from today :)



• she loves to sing and will make up her own songs all of the time. Today it was to the tune "the wheels on the bus" and she was singing "the daddy on the bus says 'tickle-tickle-tickle' all through the town."


• she still likes elmo a lot...we don't really watch him anymore, but she likes him a lot. Her favorite towel is her Elmo towel and she used to streak through the house running with it hanging on her head like a cape after e/bath. Here is a non-streaking photo of jada-elmo.


• she really likes her set of princess shoes and thinks that they need to match her outfit...she also likes my zebra slippers that Aunt Dawn and Sue got me for christmas...she thinks those are mommies princess shoes. :) You know you love them .....


• this is a very short list of fun things...but thought it would be fun to write!

unique day and looking ahead

Mother's day 2008: We found out we were pregnant with Mia
Mother's day 2009: Missing Mia and wishing so much that I was holding my 4 month old baby girl today. Really happy about hanging with Jada and super grateful to be a mommy!

I spent some time out at Mia's grave today with lots of tears and lots of prayer. I love her and truly hate that she is not with us now. It was a good time of crying out to God for our babies to come and asking that He gives and does not take them away. I asked Him that in 60+ years that the rest of our kids would be burying us and not the other way around ever again.

I was really glad to think about this new baby Lee's purposes and call for his/her life. We wouldn't have been able to get pregnant with this baby if we had Mia...and I am convinced that God has really sovereign reasons for the timing that He does all things... so it will be really fun to see God's call and purposes for this sweet baby Lee as he/she grows and lives.

So...Yay for babies and for Jesus' love for all of them and for us...I am uniquely grateful today.

Also, Jada is SO fun. This week she woke up asking for her butterfly wings so she could start dancing around the house. She is quite the little dancer and of course she sings while dancing...so I love that :). Also, she has a new favorite hair style...her Princess Leah Pigtails. She is quite the little girl and I love her!!!

biography so far and your feeling???

I have started reading a biography of a lady from the 1800's Lilias Trotter...so far I am LOVING IT! Brian, with his large bookshelf of "gems", gave it to me and said it would be a good one to start with! Lilias has encouraged me so far is her zeal for life and taking everything in. She would look at the world with artistic wonder and tear up at sunsets. I love that. She was also so zealous about loving God, being pure and giving His love away....and she was really really intense about learning more. So, I want to be like her already and I am only on chapter 6 :)

Also, I would LOVE your feedback on if you think we are having a boy or girl....I have NO idea! So, if you have a thought or feeling...share it!

the agnors to be...

I just wanted to post a quick YEAH! Our sweet friends Aubrey and Will (aka: Aunt Aubrey and Uncle Will) are engaged! They are planning their wedding for next May 2010! We are so excited and happy for them and pray that their engagement is really quick, fun, and easy as they both really want to honor God through each step. WE LOVE THE FUTURE AGNORS!!!

from their engagement party :)