Monday, June 14, 2010

tremblings and indescribable gratitude

Dear Jada and Kiva,
I am so glad that I get to mother you both. I really cannot tell you how thankful I am that mothering you two is part of why I have been created. Every day there are moments that I tear up at the awesome gifts that you are to me. Both of you demonstrate God's love to me in deep and very profound ways... just by being my daughters.

Jada, you are incredibly creative and meticulous. I love how you play pretend, how you sing as you play, how you tell knock knock jokes that totally don't make sense, how you trust me and daddy, how you listen to the details of every story, how you ask remarkably great questions, how you like to help, how you are gentle with your babies when you pretend to be the mommy, how almost everything you paint or draw becomes someones gift, how you say your "r's", how you give Kiva gentle kisses on her head throughout the day, how you laugh at really funny things, how quickly you learn scriptures, how you love to play your guitar, how you try to get away with only having snacks throughout the day, how you say "mommy", how you click your lips together when you are telling stories, and how you love to be thrown high in the air in sweet freedom.

Kiva, you are patient and and laid back. I love the way you follow me with your eyes in and out of every room. I love the way you yell when you think I walked a little too far away, and then I love the way your whole face lights up when I look at you. I love how you are feisty when you have had enough or when you are tired of being patient. I love the way you hum when you are happy, the way you look for Jada when you wake up from a nap, the way you giggle when you just see my hand heading towards your neck to tickle you, the way you already love to fly high in the air when daddy throws you, the way you open and close your little hands when you reach for me, the way you jump on anything and the way you have been an example to me of God's redemption.

Girls, I want to tell you that I don't know what I am doing. I really don't have a clue how to raise you to love Jesus. As I teach you the bible, I don't know what scriptures to teach you, in what order or at what times throughout the day. As we sing, I don't know what songs will teach you the truths of God in the way that you will understand them best. As we pray together, I don't even know how to teach you to pray on your own. I am totally totally at a loss on how to train you in many different moments. I am totally trusting Jesus for the outcome. I am trusting that the Holy Spirit of God will take all of our time spent together and turn it into something eternal and beautiful. I am trusting that the Father that is leading me is leading you to Himself. I am totally relying on the fact that God says in my weakness He is strong. I am trusting that as we lift Christ up in our home, that HE will draw you to Himself. I tremble at the magnitude of my position as your guide, shepherd and lead you in the little moments and the grand moments. I love my life with you and I am so thankful God chose me to be your mommy! I really do not want to take one day for granted. I love you both dearly.

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