On the eve of Kiv...

This time last year, I had no idea how my eyes would fill with tears listening to Kiva's sweet humms as she falls asleep, or how I would giggle over and over every single day as Kiva's laugh shakes her whole body (especially her pop belly!), or how she affectionately answers to Kiva Bear with a shoulder shrug and a grin, or how much sweeter the spirit in our house is with her playful personality, or even how the beautiful sight of Kiva jumping at the sound of the door opening when Daddy comes home...Not to mention how precious the sight of Jada helping Kiva by bringing her baby to her, or feeding Kiva, or reaching something that is out of reach so that Kiva is happy. I had no idea how my life would be better, our marriage better, our home better, our hearts better, our family better...Kiva just makes everything better. I had hoped for many things when I hoped for Kiva...but there are just some things I would not have known to hope for...Kiva has far exceeded all of my expectations of another daughter. This time last year was the eve of Kiv~ and all the beauty that she brings... I cannot wait to celebrate her tomorrow!~

A very broad update!...

There are lots and lots of things that have been going on in our world over here! So...I am planning to give you a broad overview of the fun we've been having. A couple of fun facts:

• Kiva turns ONE this Thursday!!! We celebrated with a party in the park this past weekend and we were able to dedicate her to the Lord with our church...I can't believe how time has absolutely flown by...I will post those pics on her big day...
• The girls and I took some pics in the pumpkin patch by our friend Kristen...it was a fun time
• We have new neighbors! I have been meaning to blog about this for a while...our neighbors are JARED AND RISA!!! We are just so excited! They just moved in about a month ago and we are thrilled to get into the groove with them with intentional community life...we are already close with them so now we just get to live in this new way!!
• As you know, Kiva loves her baby...and here she is putting her baby to bed...my grandad made this crib...so fun!
• Jada has never really been into babies like Kiva...she has always loved animals more! For example...while Kiva was playing with her baby Jada decided the piggy bank was her baby for the day!
• Jada is seriously a good artist for just turning four...she has been drawing really great hearts...here is one :)
• I got Kiva this onesie for my sister-in-law, Shannon's, birthday...too fun. I also think it is for Aunt Dawn too :) I just love her joy in this photo!
• I had the chance to speak at a couple of different ladies things lately. This past Thursday I had the chance to speak at an event called "Roots." It was a really sweet time with ladies from high school age to grandma age. It was a truly beautiful representation of generations among women. I got to talk about mentoring and discipleship...but I didn't talk about that. Really what I talked about was Mothers and Daughters. It is a subject that is so dear to my heart for so many reasons. I could share all sorts of fun stuff about it, but I will share an experience that I had before I spoke...I had been preparing and feeling the weight of carrying the women that I would be speaking to around with me...you know that feeling of really wanting to share God's heart with them. So, I had a chance to go out to Mia's grave while I was alone preparing for the night. It was a sweet reminder of releasing "daughters" (aka: girls) to Jesus. My mom brought some balloons over earlier in the week and I was able to release them as a representation of releasing the women to the Lord. I loved watching the balloons float away as I cried in hope of what God wanted to do that evening. The day before I took some pics of Jada with the balloons...I am glad I did. Here are some fun ones!
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• I will post more on Kiva's birthday...Lord willing :)
  

Kiva's Baby

Yesterday Kiva, Jada and I were out running errands. While we were in the toy section Kiva pointed to a baby on the shelf. I thought it would be harmless to let her hold it in the basket since she "holds" things in the basket for me all the time. Well...she definitely owned that baby the moment her hands were on it! So...of course, I buy it.
I have NEVER seen anything like this...Kiva LOVES her baby. Seriously. She holds her and hugs her and pats her back and puts her on a blankie. She even tries to share her food with her as seen in these pics. It is so sweet. The baby goes with Kiva as she crawls and eats and sleeps. If she is not near Kiva for a moment and I ask her "Where's your baby?" She will make a squeeling noise, look for her, and crawl to get her as fast as she can. This is one of those toys that is just Kiva's...Jada doesn't get to share it. Jada is fine with that...but Kiva will make sure and let Jada know if by chance Jada picks her baby up. SO funny! I love this new baby thing. Brian and I both think this might be the sweetest thing yet!

thinking on...

I have been thinking a lot about all sorts of things. It has been good and challenging and tiring and good some more :) I think the Lord is asking me to Simplify. I am glad about that. But, this so happens to be a season where I feel really busy. More than normal. I have been asked to speak at different things lately. One of those is next Thursday night (say a little prayer for me :)) and I am speaking about community among women. I have been feeling awkward and a little insecure in regards to some of these "ministry" things. I like being at home with the girls and our community of friends. But, I am thankful for these opportunities with other women for sure. Anyway...I was reading a book in preparation and stumbled on this quote. I thought I would share it with you. It was encouraging to me and thought it might be to you too...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine like children do. We were born to make manifest the GLORY OF GOD that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." from a Lisa Bevere book.

So...let God's work in us shine today to make Him famous in the world we are in...sound good?

Is that....? How long have you had that? What does it say?

It's been a long time comin'...this blog, I mean. I was debating at the beginning if I should write a blog about it, but now I think the time has come...so here goes!

This past weekend we remembered our sweet Mia. 2 years ago is when she went to be with Jesus and we have missed her every day since. It was a good time that our family spent at her grave. We released 4 pink balloons (for each one of us), Brian read his letter from her funeral and our sweet friends brought flowers, painted a beautiful fountain canvas, made a handkerchief, and did some super precious scripture stuff to honor her and remember her. My mom and Mike brought a sweet wind chime as well. It was a good time of that strange tension of loving every minute that I have with my family here and wishing Jesus would come back right then because death still effects us. So...in light of this weekend, I thought it was an appropriate time to share about this news... I have a tattoo on each wrist! One of them is white and the other is light blue and black. Here are their stories:

I got the white one first.

...you can hardly see it, but it reads "hope." It is written on my wrist in the place where I could see it when I hold babies. Brian and I went and got this on my wrist about a month after we lost Mia. I wanted it to look like a scar of hope. It does. And I am so grateful that during that time of great loss, I was able to hope because of Christ...He really defeated death once and for all and gave me a reason to HOPE. And throughout my pregnancy with Kiva I enjoyed this tattoo a lot and I just plain like it :) And something else that is super special to me... My mom and my sister in law got a white tattoo shortly after. I love that we have that in common! It means even more that way.

Now for the darker tattoo:

It says "talitha" with a little blue bird.

The word Talitha is taken from Mark 5:41 "Taking the child by the hand, He said to her, "Talitha kum!" (which translated means, "Little girl, I say to you, get up!"). Immediately the girl got up..." Other translations say Daughter in the place of little girl. You get the word's definition right? The origin is believed to be Aramaic. Jesus said it.

And the blue bird...to me it is a symbol of life and freedom. Many places a blue bird symbolizes satisfaction, joy and fullness of life.

Now that you have the facts, here is the story behind the Talitha and Bluebird tat :) It is a rather deep and emotional story...just a warning. Shortly after we lost Mia I was sitting at the cemetery weeping over having lost my daughter. I was listening to the Jason Upton song that says "Come up here, come up now...my beloved, my beloved." I was listening to it in a fresh way as though Jesus said those words to precious Mia in my womb...I knew He loved her dearly and had called for her to come be with Him. It was one of those super emotional weepy moments. It was good. Anyway, I said to the Lord outloud "Why did you have to take my daughter? There are lots of daughters, why mine?"... and it was as if the Lord answered me right back "this is what you are created for...to bring daughters to me." Immediately, I knew that the meaning behind this was to spiritually bring him women, young women, and old women and little girls...HIS daughters...daughters that He wants to live with Him forever...to lead them, to guide them, to show them who Jesus is. I knew this was real and I began weeping more and through my tears I said "OK...I will." It was a terrible/beautiful moment mixed with grief, vision and purpose.

So...do you get the word TALITHA in that? Little girl or daughter. It is part of me now. Evidently this is true with Jada and Kiva and any other daughters we may have. But also I have had this in the forefront of my mind every time I am asked to speak anywhere...to college students, moms, women, small group, each girl/woman that walks into my home...etc. I want to be an arrow to Jesus. ALSO...it has given me much rest AS HIS DAUGHTER...safely resting in His love for me and His really good sovereign plan for all of my days.

The bluebird...when I was pregnant with Mia (her full name Mia Carolyn...meant "who is like the Lord...the FREE one." I would often say "I think she is going to teach me to be free." That is why the bluebird is there...and this weekend I realized once again that Mia has taught me to be free in so many ways already. Praise Jesus.

And another sweet thing is that the actual tattoo is in Lucretia's handwriting (an older woman/friend who has shown me what it looks like to be a daughter of the Lord in beautiful ways.) And Ashley B. found the pic of the bluebird for me (a beautiful example of a younger woman who has faithfully looked to Jesus as a trusting daughter.)

So...now if you see me you don't have to wonder what that is, what it says or think "oh my goodness is that a tattoo under her watch???" Yes, it is...and now you know why it means a lot to me :) Feel free to talk about it or ask about it anytime!

Onto some other news...the mouse came back...SICK. It was just so frustrating to me. So, last night after our small group meeting Brian, Will and Eli set up 10...count-em TEN mouse traps to catch this pest.

Some serious amo huh?

This is the team of mean, strong, mice fighting fellas...don't they look tough...if I were a mouse, I would be afraid!

I mean...if you've ever wondered what super-hero muscles look like...now you know!
Moral of the story...there was a snap that was heard in our home around 1 am...see ya mousie! YAY for Brian, Eli and Will!

com-group family fun and a super-hero!

We had a com-group family fun night last night. It was super fun. Decorating pumpkins, football, dress up, pizza, worship that included Jada and Sophie dancing beautifully, 3 games of settlers and some sweet time on the porch over green tea and tiki torches :) Good times.




and a couple of weeks ago we had a visitor...a mouse! A terrible-yucky-horrible mouse. Sparing you the very long story of how these pics came to be..."Uncle Will" was a hero and cleaned out the fireplace of all sorts of ashy gross stuff which inevitably led to the mouse's departure! These pics were taken around midnight...while Aubrey and I sat with our feet up on the chairs squeeling. He deserved way more than a blog "shout out" for this super-hero like action. Thanks, Will!

a bit of an update...& prepare for girlie-ness

just some fun with a mirror...my favorite days are stay at home days!

Look at that sweet Kiva-Bear face!

and a puppet show with a barking puppy!

good times at Jada's school roller skating party...photo booth pics!!

jada's first attempt at skating...so fun!

as promised...jada's party pics. It was a sweet small group of girls that Jada dances and goes to school with, and of course cousin Madyson. Kat Phinney, a precious friend of ours, dressed in her butterfly dance costume from last year and made an appearance as "queen butterfly"...seriously, it was so sweet. I was teary watching the scene. She gave them butterfly wings, fluttered around and showed them how to fly, taught them a precious little song about how only God in heaven can make a butterfly and then had to go back to her castle. One of the funniest things was that Kat went inside, got dressed in normal clothes, came back to the party and the girls didn't recognize her :) Isn't a 4 year old imagination wonderful?

and Aunt Shannon was a 4 year old birthday party super star! She made these incredible cupcakes..seriously, she made them and created them and designed them and they were not only beautiful, but they were super yummy! And during the party she painted all of the little butterflies' faces (and MiMi's of course!) It was too fun.
it was pretty hot...can you tell?and Mazie (MiMi and PaPa's dog) even made an appearance at the butterfly party
Brian's Mom gave him an ice cream maker and so we all had home-made ice cream after the party was over! Needless to say, Kiva loved it :)
Kiva noticing Jada has some ice cream left...
and Jada was so nice to share...a HUGE mouthful!
dance started for Jada and I am not teaching this year (just subbing when needed :)) and Aunt Suzanne gets to be her teacher. Jada loves it!

our 4 year old and one week!

I have decided that if I had the power to freeze time, I just might do it! Our sweet Jada bug turned 4 last Sunday and Kiva will turn 1 in a little over a month! We celebrated Jada with some close friends and family...photos of our celebration to come. BUT...here are her 4 year old photos. She just looks so grown up! I will try and post some celebration pics soon!

a sweet prayer followed by none other than...

Me (Steph)- "my tummy hurts a little"

Jada- "do you want me to pray for your tummy"

Me- "yes please, that would be great"

Jada- "ok, I will, but after I pray for your tummy I need to do the hula dance"

Me- "of course" (meanwhile thinking, how does she know about the hula dance?)

Jada- "God, please heal mommy's tummy and make it feel better, in Jesus name, Amen" followed by a very calculated absolutely correct hula dance complete with wave like arms and a slow turn including large hip motions

Me- crying in laughter and still laughing now.

the only response...joy

I have wept tonight over two friends who have precious children with unknown stuff going on and the anticipation of the "what is going on?" and the plea of "LORD HEAL." I am broken for them, yet hopeful, expectant and will continue to pray in belief that God will rescue and write beautiful stories of redemption and grace. I recently read through some of my journals from this time last year and I was honestly blown away by God's utter faithfulness in not only answering my deepest cries and prayers...but He actually far exceeded what I had asked for. This has served to spur me on in my faith to believe God MORE. He is truly moved by our faith. I could list the many scriptures that I have been pouring over and really questioning my own heart on this...why don't I ask for more. Why don't we believe God more? I don't know. But I want to. I love Him and he has been nothing but amazing to me. So...Please God, I believe...help my unbelief!

My friend, Kari, gave me a gift when she came to visit. A book called "A Gospel Primer for Christians" by Milton Vincent. It has been so so so so so so so so good. Order it if you can! Anyway, it has been a daily reminder for me of the truth of the power of the Gospel in my life. One of the sweetest parts for me has been that the Spirit of God has quickened things that He has already placed in my heart and brought them to the forefront of my thoughts through these short chapters. It is as if words are written to the things that I have been thinking about over different seasons of my life. One small part has stood out to me in a unique way. I hope it encourages you to worship and overflow with gratitude towards Christ as you read it and may your life be marked with joy.- Quoted from Milton Vincent:

"Viewing life's blessings as water in a drinking cup, I know that I could discontentedly focus on the half of the cup that seems empty, or I could gratefully focus on the half that is full. Certainly, the latter is the better of the two, yet the Gospel cultivates in me a richer gratitude than this.

The Gospel reminds me first that what I actually deserve from God is a full cup churning with the torments of his wrath. This is the cup that would be mine to drink if I were given what I deserve each day. With this understanding in mind, I see that to be handed a completely empty cup from God would be cause enough for infinite gratitude. If there were merely the tiniest drop of blessing contained in that otherwise empty cup, I should be blown away by the unbelievable kindness of God toward me. That God, in fact, has given me a cup that is full of "every spiritual blessing in Christ," and this without the slightest admixture of wrath, leaves me truly dumbfounded with inexpressible joy. As for my specific earthy circumstances of plenty or want, I can see them always as infinite improvements on the hell I deserve.

When I look at any circumstance that God apportions me, I am first grateful for the wrath I am not receiving in that moment (The empty part of the cup never looked so good!). Second, I am grateful for the blessings that are given to me instead of His wrath. (Life's blessings, however small, always appear exceedingly precious when viewed against the backdrop of the wrath I deserve.) This two-layered gratitude disposes my heart to give thanks in all things and it also lends a certain intensity to my giving of thanks. Such a gospel-generated gratitude glorifies God, contributes to peace of mind, and keeps my foot from the path of foolishness and ruin."